June 21, 2004


�How did you know then? You mean he told you about it?�

As I said that, I saw Dan enter the cafe and walked towards our table. She was lighting another cigarette, unaware of him coming up behind her. As if on cue, the child turned in her pram and shouted �Daddy.� To my surprise, she unbuckled herself and ran towards Dan who picked her up and continued walking towards us.

He came up behind Jo and put a hand on her shoulder. The message was obviously territorial.

�Hi Jake.� He put out a hand to be shaken. �How have you been?� What a bloody warm hand, I thought. What a hot-blooded, graceless mammal!

�Jo, we�ve gotta hurry. Dad would be upset if we keep the guests waiting, and mum would go into a fit.� Can we get any more blatant than this? Dan is not one for subtlety. I smiled generally.

�She�ll go into a fit regardless. Bye Jake. Was nice talking to you. Maybe we should catch up sometime,� she said automatically.

�Yeah. Maybe.�

With a pace that was unreal, the whole procession walked away � Dan holding the overgrown child, and Jo pushing the pram behind him.

The last few lines from something I wrote, lobbed off from a two-page shortie.

Posted by Karen at June 21, 2004 02:20 AM in writing

Let’s see the whole thing!

I like the command of narration here — breezy but tight. The only thing I wanted more clarification of, at least at this point, was the use of “unreal” at the end — I didn’t have a picture of how they were walking away. But the piece did make me wonder what came before and what the relationships were.

Posted by: Cheshire at June 22, 2004 03:36 AM

who is the liar?

Posted by: jo at June 22, 2004 10:54 PM

You need to read the full story to figure it out. But I’m not crazy about this version I have, so more brutal editing.

Posted by: Karen at June 23, 2004 11:23 AM
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